a study of the soul:

12:29PM // 1:03PM

this moment that i am in right now - my messy hair, the taste of tequila in my mouth from last night, empty bottles everywhere, cravings for a light me up, a handful of conversations that cause me to burst out laughing - this is good. good. good. great.i realised last night (or this morning), in my half-drunken state, that you can’t force or replicate happiness. it’s kinda like love, i guess. it’s really terrifying how most of the time we don’t realise something good that’s in front of us until it’s gone. life is this cosmic experience and all of us, we get to experience it. all of it. these people you have grown to love the company of, recognise them, tell them you love them, keep their warm touches and words safe. this is happiness. hold on to it, lock that feeling within yourself for when you forget. this is sadness, this is cruelty, this is not-getting-out-of-bed-for-two-days, this is rejection, this is disappointment, this is failure. hold on to it, learn from it, grow, do not let it become you. bloom wherever you wish to plant yourself. you are infinite. this is right now. this is happiness. this is fleeting. hold on to it but not too tight. you still need to discover yourself. 

April 20, 2014
118 notes
filed under: (orphan black season 2 is out you guys!! i'm so excitED)(anthea)
Anonymous asked: You are such an incredible writer like I wish you knew how much your words touch people, you're so positive and sweet omg I love you 🌼

eep you’re melting my heart!! sending you good vibes to wherever you are in this beautiful world of ours, my love, you deserve it all.

April 18, 2014
9 notes
filed under: (ask)(anonymous)
On nights like these
I think of you
and how you left me with
a paper cut heart.
Tiny slits across the most
vulnerable parts of the whole
and I almost bled out
with your back to me
until I remembered to apply pressure
in order to stop the bleeding.
You turned my hands into burning buildings
that set fire to everything I touch
and there are scars on my door knobs
from all the times I have left and
all the times I have decided to come back.
I am learning how to heal all the
wounds you opened on me.
I paint the walls of my body
with gentle touches.
I am learning how
to heal myself.

A.Y // open wounds
April 18, 2014
372 notes
filed under: (my writing)(i want to tag the writings that i post in this format as something but idk what??)

sleepingtigers:

I don’t know if anyone else does this, and it really might be a cruel thing to do, but lately I’ve been just wanting to nuzzle myself into people just through brief little impact moments. Where it’s inconvenient but only for them. Making statements during the most subtle of times that occurs and reoccurs in our lives. Like abruptly kissing them just before a waiter reaches the table to take their order. Or bringing cherry popsicles along on a summer’s night walk. Or cooking some sort of delicious sweet every Sunday night. Apple pie, maybe. Introducing them to classical tracks that make your heart ache. Bringing them to pick up flowers at local markets and tucking it along their ear. I don’t know. Just because, if you ever lost that person for good, the foundations of those things would never cross their mind without you written all over them. They’d feel a pit in their stomach on a wonderful date as the waiter headed in their direction. Popsicles would bring them back to your sticky skin, and the dark night of heat. The smell of warm apple pie would place them back in the apartment you two shared, and all over again it’d be Sunday night. A pause in an elevator or market when Tchaikovsky begins to play and they’d hear you humming along with it. When they go to pick out flowers for their significant other’s anniversary, or birthday, and all they can think about is what you told them it meant, and your favorites, because not many people have such love for things like that.

I want people to remember me like this. Sudden lip-locks. The smell of Apple Pie. Tchaikovsky. Running bath water. Sweet skin and melting popsicles. Windows open. Unfinished books. Flowers. Down blankets.

I need them to remember me like that.

April 17, 2014
2,924 notes
filed under: ((this hit me like a fucking train))
Anonymous asked: can you describe the first person you fell in love with? also what changes after you've fallen in love for the first time? how is a person different then they were before? also un related kinda but are U okay? because u seem maybe not okay and that's okay, but i go on your blog alot and even tho i don't kno u well it just seems like you don't seem very okay and i worry, even for strangers, bc you're, well, great.

here’s the thing, i don’t honestly think i have ever fallen in love (romantically anyway). there have been plenty of times when i thought i was in love but i realised that it was just infatuation. i guess it really depends on how you ended up falling out of love with that person and if you ever really never stopped loving them. first loves change you, no matter what. i’ve watched so many people build castles around their hearts because they’re terrified of feeling so vulnerable again, or they try and seek out that feeling of love again because doesn’t it feel good to be loved? i don’t know, i’ve never been in love. i can’t speak from experience, only from observations. also, there’s no need to worry my dear, i am more than okay, i’m pretty damn happy actually. things are getting clearer. i just write a lot about moments when i am not okay because i gotta get these thoughts out of me you know? i don’t want to be consumed so this is my outlet. thank you for caring, you are a kind soul. 

April 17, 2014
40 notes
filed under: (ask)(anonymous)

Typewriter Series #114

April 17, 2014
1,616 notes
filed under: (my writing)(typewriter)

Drunk and not in love

April 17, 2014
64 notes
filed under: (i want this on my tombstone)(not really tho)(but probably yeahhh)(anthea)
Anonymous asked: The Milky Way is on a collision course. Astronomers predict that in four billion years, the Milky Way will have collided with Andromeda, its neighboring galaxy.

MILKDROMEDA

April 16, 2014
30 notes
filed under: (this is one of my favourite space facts)(we would all be dead but imagine what a spectacle that would be)(ask)(anonymous)
Anonymous asked: You're approximately two inches taller in space. Because of gravity the human spine compresses on earth whereas in the vacuum of outer space, the spine elongates which adds length to one's height.
April 16, 2014
43 notes
filed under: (hell yeah let's go 2 space)(ask)(anonymous)
Anonymous asked: The sunlight you see today is 30,000 years old. While it takes only 8 minutes for the light from the surface of the sun to reach the earth, the sun from the actual core takes a lot longer to reach the surface because of its intense density.
April 16, 2014
27 notes
filed under: (FUCKING)(COOL)(ask)(anonymous)
Anonymous asked: Many of the stars we see today in the night sky have since died. Because light takes so long to travel, when we stare at the night sky, we are seeing a snapshot of what space looked like when the light left those sources.
April 16, 2014
47 notes
filed under: (IS SPACE)(ask)(anonymous)
Anonymous asked: There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on earth. Astronomers currently estimate that there are between 10 sextillion and 1 septillion stars in the Universe.
April 16, 2014
50 notes
filed under: (GUYS)(HOW)(ask)(anonymous)
This is what silence sounds like:
Muffled cries and your heart
thumping against your rib cage.
A tap dripping.
Waves against the shore.
Your lungs keeping you alive
exhaling clouds on to my skin to create
goosebumps.
When you lift seashell up to your ear
it’s not the sound of the ocean you’re hearing.
It’s the echoes of the inside
of your mind.
This is what silence looks like:
Heartbreak.
You disappearing before me and
the whole world stopping to look for you.
Your palm against mine
our fault lines grazing against each other.
A silhouette against a white wall.
Secrets hidden within myself.
Anything that is half way through falling.
May it be a rain drop from a cloud
a leaf leaving it’s nest
a young girl falling down the rabbit hole
for the very first time.

A.Y // this is silence
April 16, 2014
261 notes
filed under: (yeah idk either)(my writing)
Anonymous asked: Do you ever struggle to make it through the day?

yeah dude everyday is a struggle but i always tell myself to take it one day at a time (cue jordin spark’s “one step at a time” playing softly in the background) and i always make plans that i can look forward to (for example yesterday work was hella long and tiring and i was like after work i am going to go walk around the city and buy some new clothes and then my manager was like can you stay ‘til closing and i was like hella no i already have plans). life is a struggle but i tell ya it’s pretty damn worth it.

April 16, 2014
30 notes
filed under: (ask)(anonymous)
Anonymous asked: Whenever I'm having a bad day, I come to your page and it makes me happy. Thank you.

i am so happy that my dumb blog makes you happy!! love u to the edge of the observable universe pal :-))

April 15, 2014
5 notes
filed under: (ask)(anonymous)
(n.b.)