oh man i’ve been on this goddamn site for too long / all good things must come to an end and all that jazz but i’m here to stay for now so there’s no need for sadness :~)
all in good time, my love.
august was finding
a certain kind of truth
hidden under the blanket
i can no longer see
the girl in the mirror
or the ghost who lives
i have lost all traces of
evidence that proves
EVERYTHING IS MOVING FAST AND I’M STILL TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING
YOU’RE MY PERSON. I NEED YOU ALIVE. YOU MAKE ME BRAVE.
It’s 2:15AM and i’m just about to crash into my bed and sleep for a day or two but i’m definitely going to fall asleep with the biggest smile on my face because of you!! I still have A TON of learning to do and most days i am filled with self-doubt but it warms my world up to know that you associate my works with the word “astound(ing)”. Ah thank you my love!! Stay safe and goodnight ok :-)
1. You eat regret for breakfast.
Wash it down with a cup of coffee, two sugars.
It sits heavy in your stomach like the
stones you used to skip across the lake in the summer
with the boy who made you realise how
important chemistry is.
Skin on skin
creating sparks of electricity.
Enough to light up a Christmas tree,
a home made for two,
an entire street,
2. You spent the whole of tenth grade chemistry
trying to figure out how this could be.
You held hands with your lab partner for
one minute to see if you could replicate that
moment of current in your veins.
You’d brush shoulders with strangers,
kiss boys underneath the stairs
but it was never enough to create
goosebumps on your skin.
3. The lunch lady serves you regret for lunch
and she looks at you like she knows.
The pebbles from breakfast still sit
in your stomach so you only eat half of it.
The other half finds home in the trash can.
The stones are heavy.
The stones are piling up.
The stones are sinking you to the bottom of the lake.
4. The lake where you first felt
goosebumps on your heart and he kept it warm
in the inner pocket of his jacket.
He held it as if it would crumble.
By the body of water that had a bed of drowning rocks
he kissed you as if death was lurking behind him.
You dropped all your pebbles and
filled your fists with his shirt instead.
You emptied your mind and
filled it with the colour of his eyes instead.
5. Three years ago
you both swallowed pills of empty promises
and walked away from the lake, from each other.
A road trip of silence back to a home that
reeked of memories that didn’t involve each other.
That same year, the lake dried up
and all that was left was a pile of rocks
covered in fingerprints that would
all lead back to you and him.
i don’t think i’m ever going to be able to come to a point in my life where messages like these don’t leave me absolutely without words. i hope you’ve found your place. thank you / i love you.